Endless Pain

Baby):

2007-08-08T12:58:00.000+08:00

he promised to message me last night.
to making a big fuss about it. i waited.
waited, waited.
Past 3am in the morning.
Still no message , no call.
I stayed up , and waited .
Went in to Audition , Went in to Msn.
Hoping he would be there, but he wasnt.

Cant play Audition now.
With thoughts coming on my mind.
A break up button with CLOUDIE?
i know it makes you jealous.
But if thats what you want, i would talk to cloudie about it.

I dont even know where are you now.
What are you doing.
Have you eaten.
I just miss you so badly.
-sigh.

Bye Chee Bai Elaco

MOOOOOO!

2007-08-01T18:12:00.001+08:00

IMA A COW
HEAR ME MOO
I WEIGH TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU
AND I LOOK GOOD ON THE BBQ
LALALALAL!

WTF

2007-07-19T02:42:00.000+08:00

wah!
feel so happy people calling me ugly siol.
as if i got say ima pretty.
lame ass shyt dont even dare to put he/her name down.
hum ji kia.
thanks so much uh (:

anyways , beloveds ima changing my blog link.
gonna get it down and personal(:
so dont link me and stuff alrights?
teheehee ,
LOVES MANY MANY!

new LINK!

MOOO

BACK :dDD

2007-07-17T17:44:00.000+08:00

You left me there all along , sitting waiting . I guess i only could pull myself up.

HELLO :D
feeling much better from my flu(:
but getting very much tired these few days ,
eyes just felt like shutting everyday):
hate this undefined of tiredness ,
guess lost some blood and stuff would be getting sleepy due to it .
-SIGH , thats all i have to blog after for so long.
LOL. LOVES :D

It ends here

2007-07-15T22:46:00.000+08:00

IT ENDS HERE tonight
wishes doesnt happen for me , fool
how i just wished everything would pass by smoothly.
for the fact, you dont wanna drag me down.
for the fact , you thought you are wasting my time.
Love doesnt mean that way ,
either are you wasting my time.
i dont even bother , cause i love you
i guess the fact is that you lied so that it sounds so much nicer
Either do i wanna hear foolish lies about you saying that.
Simply maybe because ima just plainly fat and ugly and not suitable for you.
I guess everyone thinks that way.

the reason why sometimes i thought about liking someone is ima sick and tired of
getting hurt over and over again.
foolishly enough to being used.
i guess falling in love with someone is really different from getting forced.
Forced love , Used love , Flirted love.
whats wrong with the world of guys anyway?

its outrageously hard temper soring to see that i cant be with whom i want to
and just simply be with the guy that i dont wish to be with and getting forced by to please them.
simply , i just dont wanna love a single guy anymore.
from now on , i just need a break.
a break from all of these.
I wont be blogging after this post.
Either would i be going bunk or what so ever.
I know i wont be missed ,
i know i suck,
i know i do.
Simply , i just hate this life for a lifetime.

Troubled? nope , i think i just brought all this up myself.
Either the less , i hate it seriously.
dont bother asking what am i gonna do ,
dont do anything foolish.
Its over , for my happiness ima willing to do anything.
besides a few tablets wont hurt.
It wont kill since i did it plenty of times.
Sleeping just heal those wounds partly.

Tears just cant seems to stop flowing.
not because of PMS but i just guess its a horrible emotional feeling that ima having deep inside.
its a promised to you , that i would .
just lose those feelings for you.
and i will fulfill them just for you
its the fact that i love you deeply to lose those feelings.
but , i would do anything just to make you smile.
once more.

take care my beloveds,
take care , my sweet loved boy
all the best with your girl.

Undying love for you.

2007-07-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

When the things that you love become a prison.

thats when you realise you are locked up in the middle of everyone else.

My Love For You Is Growing Stronger Everyday,

Isit A BAD SIGN?

HELLO (:

IMA a sick girl . LOL!

As in really sick, Cough , flu abit of feverioush

anyways my *COUGHS ima having strawberry jam for sale again .

Seriously need to see a doctor about it -____-

Its getting worst and ya ya so ever . lol

and you guys wont be seeing me much at bunk,

due to something.

haha , dont miss me ya X:

a strange thing

2007-07-15T00:47:00.000+08:00

a strange emptiness ima feeling inside , isit that its just pure thoughts that are carrying me off of my feet in to my love for you?

I LOVE SHULING MY LOVE :D
many many!

and of course i love my beloveds many many too :D
anyways! sorry for not blogging for a long long time.
played back my maple account currently LEVEL 50 (:
yayness , haha.
anyways , having alot of things to say about life these time.
first starting lets say about PRINCESOHH problem shall we?

he admit defeat and apologised.
like wow, as if ELACO is such a mercy-ful person about such such mean things that are said about me.
Like hey think twice , apologise only are agreed only that are made face to face,
well most of the time that ima just pure evil.
so sincerly say , simple to say i may not forgive you at all bytch(:

my love life (:
haha , hes always there for me .
most of the time hes just makes me smile that much.
but , hes just not ready yet as he cant let something go):
but , it takes time aint it, thats what love is ,
waiting . patient ...
haha , but no matter what .
what ever is happier for him , i would support him no matter what.
maybe plain foolishness but i guess i used to doing it (:

anyways , forgot what i wanted to say ,
logging off blogger and off to bed soon(:
LOVE MY BELOVEDS :D
LOVE MY SWEETHEART :D
LOVE MY DEARS :D
LOVE EVERYONE :D
not forgetting , LOVE YOU MY SWEET BOY (:

July 12 2007

2007-07-12T11:41:00.000+08:00

playing back my maple account , of course .

A game , and just a simple account full of memories.

MOOOOOO-RING!

Just returned from the DOCTOR'S not long ago

got an MC for tomorrow!

YAYNESS (:

Anyways , the doctor said that maybe its the flu that causes my chest to feel so fcked up):

Eating my lunch kinda getting full soon then make my Aunty's birthday card , take my med then off to bed i go(:

Got caught under the rain just now ): shivering right now.

anyways , got another screen shot of my audition char ._.

this time is a HALF BODY

fankly speaking, wtf is wrong with my computer.

And not so long ago i got messages from the other world -______-

ya ya , i know its stupid but that "thing" claims he was KAORU (BBQ MEAT) as i was messaging him

and KAORU(BBQ MEAT) dont remember messaging me as he fallen asleep halfway .________. mummy!

Watcing HAIRY POTTY soon (:

YAYNESS!! lolololol.

Maybe would be seeing him on SATURDAY (:

Misses :DD

anyways , thats all i got to blog today(:

TAKE CARE YA BELOVEDs♥

♥IMA LOVE YOU MANY MANY!

CLOUDIE LAOGONG

TOUTOU KOR

BUNBUN DARLING

ZIZI

NANA SWEETHEART

NASAI SAI SAI SWEETHEART

BECKY JIE

JJ JIE

BUNNIE MAN

BBQ MEAT

EYECANDY

ALI BABA

AH YA ! SO MANY I LOVE YOU ALL MANY MANY :DD

misses

2007-07-11T15:11:00.000+08:00

when all is left behind will we turn and look back to where we have come from?

ELATHEMOO IS SICK):

i dunno how ima got sick.
have been doing blog for people.
*blog skins.
-Sigh really wanna do my own things.
Please do things yourself?
And tml , i wanna go school sign that stupid form and go home please.
Ima sick -.-

In my arms again

2007-07-10T16:41:00.000+08:00

Dont ever give up now
take my hand and be in my arms once again , i would always promise you that. wait for me.

MY DAY OUT YESTERDAY!
went to bunk to meet up with TOUTOU KOR , CLOUDIE LAOGONG , BBQ MEAT (KAORU) , ALI BABA , SHADOW , SKY , TOBI AND CK :D
TOUTOU KOR bought me a MOO BISCUIT . hee , she said she couldnt resist it because ima always saying the word "MOOO"
anyways , got a snap shot of it (:

*NO cow suffered in the making of theses biscuits

was the caption of the biscuits . LOL!

THANKS AGAIN TOUTOU KOR :33

SUFFERED IN SCHOOL FOR ONE DAY
grumbled my way to school of course. haha , school was alright (: kinda.
Oral was also alright . kinda relax . LOL!
i also dont even knew why i was feeling this way .

Anyways took a picture of my SWEETHEART(:
LOVE YA!

gonna go take a nap now.
NIGHTS(:

MISSING TOMYAMBUN ♥
LOVE TOMYAMBUN MUCH MUCH!
LOVE TOURAN KOR & MY LAOGONG MUCH MUCH TOO
NOT FORGETTING MY BELOVEDS!
LOVE YOU ALL MUCH MUCH TOO! X:

tinted love

2007-07-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

living in the tinted love you gave me , for the last hope . Just keep holding on girl.

GOOD AFTERNOON(:
ima kinda in a CHEERO mood today :DD
met new people in AUDITION, which is a good thing aint .
made new friends :D YAYNESS.
anyways gonna level up soon. LEVEL 34 HERE I COME.
lolol , have to go school tomorrow. BOO-NESS!
having N LEVEL ENGLISH ORAL tomorrow , so no choice about it \:

ima deeply contented with my love life right now .
feeling happy that he is (:
its right to be with the ones you love aint it?
haha , holding on for nothing .
Will be letting it go soon ^^ somehow .
haha.
seriously , feeling so beat dead this few days.
feeling so tired of course. no idea why.
haha

anyways , gonna go off blogger(:
NO BODY IS GONNA SPOIL MY CHEERO MOOD.
for now i guess(:

You are my favourite mistake(:

2007-07-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

pick me up and lets run through the breeze

Sorry for not updating for a long time(:
had fun with my BELOVEDs this weekend
HAHA.
anyways , everything is alright now .
i hope and i guess(:
done something foolish but wont mention what.
anyways , thanks -LITTLE didi for finding this post that the CHILDISH not forgetting LAME ASS JERK
who else but PRINCESOHH
should i feel so Touched about it?
anywhere heres the post about it.
seriously , i truly hat e jokes stucked up by a moron
anyways , thanks so much for saying i WONT have a bright future,
frankly speaking, i dont bother much about my future much as you does
heres the link
ELACO DONT TAKE JOKES

ELACO SUCKS HUH?
i found the 2nd one myself(:

ima pretty enough for you now?

2007-07-05T13:39:00.000+08:00

if its gonna take a million pieces of knife to make me prettier for you.
i did do it.
if its that my looks that concern you the most.
if its everything.
if its even gonna take my life.
i would do anything.

ima gonna numb myself and let those crying suffering blood bleed .
ima not afaid to lose this.
i cant stand every single tears anymore.
my heart is so unbearable , totally tightening and heavy.

so , take me somewhere .
high on numbness high on lost of blood.
take me to a place where i never use to belong.
somewhere , where so far away .
yet ima gonna be happier there.
knowning that there would be no body to love me.
either do love anyone else.

cause its so hard to love someone ,
so so hard.
why must we love everybody in our life?
why cant you just let me die.
either way , my beloveds are happy right now.

im contented , i really am.
i really wish to stop this endless tears.

i hate to hold them back behind , as it hurts so much.

will be meeting my sweetheart at school later ,
one last hug my beloved.
thanks for the friendship.
i really treasure it, even thou we fought for the once and we over come it together.

hope to take the last and final picture with you on my mind

When i was young , i used to have a boy that i loved the most.
Kinda , puppy love i guess.
Right now , ima seeing him often but i dont even know if its him .
Because it just looks like him , and theres even a kid that even looked like how he look like when he was young.

i guess living in this new area , just brought back many memories.
simple enough to say like how my Ah mah took care of me from young.
i didnt spend much time with my parents when i was young.
she use to cook soups and let me sip it on a big spoon .
i will usually burn my tongue .
miss those childhood times.

but
ima , wont be here anymore.
good bye Elaco, good bye blog bye everything.
thanks so much for caring, guys.

i hope i would meet you guys the next life again.

after reading this post.

dont bother calling me , dont bother caring where am i.

for all i know ima gonna run free somewhere.

let me go for this time around. i beg you, please.

ima suffering that much inside.

i wanna go somewhere else that badly.

badly , that badly.
maybe start it off anew.

lets have this one last dance
ima asking you ,
ima pretty enough for you to love me now?

am i? am i?

Fustrated

2007-07-05T10:12:00.000+08:00

Fucked up , Angry , Sad ? just nothing but a mixed up feeling deep inside of me.

My CPA teacher called me.
saying that i have to go to school later in the afternoon to sign something ._.
MOE picked my work in the some sort TOP in class with a few of my friends and i have to sign it.
If not ima not gonna get any marks.

Felt like going to no where today.
like always, walk till i dont even know where am i those kinda feeling.
-SIGH

unsecured

2007-07-04T23:47:00.000+08:00

ima scared to lose you , tell me how you feel to make me better.
dont ever leave me no matter what, promise me that.

Feeling so VEXED up
cried again today, i dont even know how he feels.
I really really , wanna know how he feels about me.
He doesnt even wanna tell me about it.
grabbing my wrist and telling me you dont like that girl i thought you are in love with
really warms my heart, even those eye contact with yours.
Really really warms my heart so deeply.

But i guess theres nothing i could do about liking someone,
i feared it deeply , sorry for telling you that out of a sudden that i wanna try to not like you anymore.
I know its hard , its fear , its anger and its my fault.
deep down , i truly love you alot .
much as i could give you my whole heart.

when i felt that you are doing something stupid.
i totally lost control of myself , i really hate about the stuff i could be read through my mind.
Nothing but feelings that i could feel .
You told me to jump down from the building, i stood up and walked .
You told me not to be stupid , but i wasnt kidding.
In a life filled with so much much , nothing but sadness.
Would i even wanna carry on?

But no matter how , or what.
I would still love you .
i will just carry on waiting till you tell me not to..

Wdnesday July 04 2007

2007-07-04T10:58:00.000+08:00

the love you gave me , i kept holding on to it. Yet i knew there were many things that you were doing in your saddness time.

Yet i couldnt do anything , and just sat there to cry . I wish i could lift up many of your burdens for you.

i love you my boy. i really really do.

WEDNESDAY!

gonna meet my sweetheart later ^^

he got kinda emo and stuff , haha wanna accompany him

i dont know what will we be doing but i guess just talking and stuff(:

Was talking on the phone with SHADOW and LITTLE didi yesterday night.

And LITTLE didi put down the phone as he had to settle something and he will called back later.

So i was talking to SHADOW when i just told him i wanted to call you know who ^^

And when i called his house phone ,

he said " EH? i just wanted to call you nia , because i just finish my math homework"

then we started laughing ,

and i said " So sweet meh?"

He said " Of course"

LMAOS. then i asked him to call SHADOW's hp

and we FOUR crap crap crap crap crapped ALOT!

cannot blame , we too bo liao that we always talk rubbish.

lmaos! anyways gonna go bath and leave my house soon.

Dunno how long its gonna take from Sengkang to Jurong o:

BYEBYE :DD

love you Sweetheart .

Cheer up alrights(:

Crush the Love you gave me

2007-07-03T09:01:00.000+08:00

Crush the love you gave me , Hear it scream it pain.

Simply feeling pains on my wrist
Simply feeling its getting weaker
or Simply just felt the urge to slit it and hear the screams.

pain seems nothing to me anymore.
got hurt over and over again.
urge to feel it , again once more.
I guess i cant continue liking you , due to many of your love life.
either do i wanna pressure you with it.
Its not if you could or couldnt.
Its , just me.

there are many things , that couldnt be explain.
i guess i had been used because of my love for the guy
either do they treasured it and made use of it.
feeling hurt over and over again and again.
just felt so , hurtful.

My life, is so fcked up.
Why not i just start anew with a new one?
Isint it better? Why dont you guys think its true.
Rather then suffering in this one aint it.

I guess i dont even know how many sadistic things i wanna do to myself till ima dead.
I guess it doesnt work , ima running out of things to do to myself.
seriously , Bleeding doesnt work because i guess i got too much blood.
Pills? simply no kick, i took in so much and i didnt died.
Of course it felt horrible. But doesnt much matter in a way that i couldnt consume anything.
as of course i dont eat much stuff.

I guess you guys really touched my heart deep down inside.
Touched till ima crying while typing this post.
If it wasnt for you all, i dont even know where i will be right now , seriously.
Maybe i would be gone for good by then , and wouldnt have met many many nice people in life.
Esp, not forgetting the love you guys gave me.
really treasure it in my heart♥

but right now, i dunno where i will be.
♥love you , boy
beach here i come (:
SWIMMING AND TANNING!
can wait !

thanks TOUTOU Kor for the picture^^

IMA now hating a guy named PRINCEsohh

i dunno why but ima in need to vent my anger.
HA! thinks life goes your way?
WTH IS THIS?
Who care the fck who are you?
Not everybody LOVES your insultations!
oh wait , its no body love the way.
Find it funny?
How about i calling your mum a WHORE and sayings its a joke?
like seriously , NOT EVER FCKING PIECE OF SHYT do i find it funny.

And Ima SERIOUSLY , getting PISSED OFF.
Call me i look like a guy because i said that you were BYTCHING?
And SERIOUSLY , i saw what are you really like now.
HA? some kinda , I ONLY CAN SCOLD VUGLARITES FRIEND
JUST NOTHING BUT A GIRLY BOY.
ima glad i saw that!
SO FCKING PISSED OFF.
Never mind, if you are EVER SEEN AT BUNK WHEN IMA THERE.
im so gonna put my fist on your face and see you bleed for such a mother fcker dont even shut his mouth!

YOU DID BE THE FIRST PERSON , i ever HATED THAT MUCH.
AND THAT I EVER GOT SO ANGRY ABOUT FOR.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR RUINING MY DAY!

OH YA, i forgot to post a headless picture of my char :DD
AS I PROMISED!
never mind about that two shirt as it went blank as i screen shot this picture
its nice anyways , aint it (:

-SIGHS , getting worried about you .
your last message , and then nothing .
hope you are fine.
and your phone was off, msn not online.
really wondering where are you.
shucks , Elaco dont think too much about it.

Wont you take me by the hand.

2007-07-02T21:23:00.000+08:00

Take me by the hand take me somewhere new , i dont know who you are but .. ima with you.

Long Lost Feeling Of Being Dead Suddenly.
i guess its normal for me to feel like this once in a while
just cried just now, suddenly felt so horrible.
feeling lost , dead gone once again. HELLO WORLD OF SUFFERING!
Started crying , just couldnt hold it much longer ):< style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);">I guess i really know whats the meaning of being "HAPPY"
not only that you have to smile in the outside , you even have to feel a feeling of cheerfulness and feeling of being loved.
i guess ima keeping too much burden stuff inside ma heart , till its feeling so so heavy.
hate it shyt it damn it.
Wanting to walk the lane feeling dead and gone.

i thought that, everything was really returned back to normal but it guess its too soon to guess about that
ima gonna be alright i guess , just cry and stuff . And everything would be back to normal.
And i guess just some words of yours just hurts me deeply.
I guess thats it for todays post.

Dont worry that much my BELOVEDs (:
i would be fine , i guess.

Anyways , My dad just gave both me and my sister money to go shopping (:
HA HA HA HA HA HA! *EXCITED!
The first thing i wanna buy is a... BIKINI :D
wanting to bought it long time ago -____-
but i guess ima still fat and stuff )':
will look fat in it D: BOO!

Had fun with SKY , LITTLE didi , BUNNIE MANAND SHADOW(:
played the DANCING machine with SKY , lmaos.
He died so many times D: lucky i never die or we both GAME OVER!
third NEWBIE timer luck eh (;
anyways , going offline . Feeling shag.
I guess i think too much , or maybe ima just over sensative about stuff

when darkness turns to light
it ends tonight, it ends tonight.

Hey sugar

2007-07-01T21:08:00.000+08:00

the steps we are taking are one part of a new beginning.

ADDICTED TO CUPCAKES AND SWEET THINGS PICTURES
seems that i cant get enough of them!

Lol!
they are simply addictive !
Wont be saying whom ima in love with (:
SHHH!
but , i guess hes making me happier its all that contents me ^^
and as you all know i dont ask for alot of things(:
Only love and concerns .

Anyways , stayed at home today.
LASTMIN!
mum cooked dinner and she expected me to be at home.
And she got upset and stuff.
So i had to stay behind to "PLEASE" her
After all we dont spend alot of time together already):

and ima addicted to this video also!
THANKS HIDE FOR THE INTRO (:
VETO VETO FCK FCK FCK FCK FCK FCK FCK!

I LOVE YOU , U'RE MY SUGAR COATED CANDY RUSH(:

Ima starting to like you

2007-07-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

small little sweet bits of sugar starts to light up my life and makes me feel that im LOVED.

HI, i think i like you

-shy , hee!
i really think ima gonna fall for you X:
not gonna say its who , but i guess i also dont stand a chance as there are so many CHIO BUs friends
that you have ):
-SIGH i always dont stand any chance cause im too ugly .
Cant be blamed ):

~~ima dunno how much longer i would wanna keep this to myself.~~

~~or maybe i shouldnt even tell you.~~

Anyways ima playing this game right now,
ADDICTIVE!
kinda like o2 jam and stuff but its only using " UP DOWN LEFT RIGHT" keys
wanted to post the pictures that i took but it couldnt be uploaded -___-
anyways here the web.
DANCE DANCE

its a USA sever thingy , so it would be VERY LAGGY for our country users (:
tired it . and was laggy at times.
anyways, gonna stop here.

and BUN darling , i dont give a shyt about that person (:
thanks for standing up for me darling :D
but seriously i dont even know whats the person's problem when , well nvms will tell you some time when we meet up (:

WHO ELSE?

2007-06-29T20:06:00.000+08:00

Think im a poser?

WOW! so hourned? haha

like duh?did i even welcome you here?

feel so hourned for a hmms, "SMART" person to be in my blog.

To added some COMMON SENCE IN MY BLOG!

oh ya and not forgetting

LIKE WOW, first time having a person spamming rubbish on my tag box?

OH WAIT!

How about this, i even know whos the person!

Leaving a name as HEHE is totally goof .

Lets see, i didnt had this problem UNTIL THAT SOMEONE was in my life.

how about left my life? sounds so much better

And oh, if you are so PROUD how about leaving you name?

no guts?

I BET YOU DONT EVEN HAVE ANY.

haha,

GUTLESS MORON (:
grow up!

oh and , at least turn off something of yours before you tag on my tagbox.

HAHA!

Use your brains to mind about yourself before you start talking back about people!

You are just so entertaining (:

FRIDAY JUNE 29 2007

2007-06-29T13:12:00.000+08:00

Do you want a coffee , tea or me?

GOOD AFTERNOON!
weighed myself just now , and my weigh dropped to 44.3kg ._.
didnt consumed much of SOLIDS , just liquid.
Kept drinking water to keep myself full.
Trying to change the idea and now trying to force myself to eat.

Anyways , didnt went to my class chalet .
my mum bu fang xing about some stuff i guess.
and she wants to buy dinner for me.
I guess we could spend more time, after all the time that i can spend with my family now are really impt.
And its U LU there, and im having strawberry jam and who knows what will happen. CHOY.
but you wont ever know right.

And i added new songs to the list ^^.
Yep. so do enjoy them

SONG LIST

2007-06-28T20:52:00.001+08:00

EVER WONDERED WHAT SONGS THAT ARE IN MY BLOG?
here is the list of it (:
ENJOY

updated june 29 2007

PICTURE

2007-06-28T16:25:00.000+08:00

REMEMBER I SAID THAT THE GM HAD A GRAMMER ERROR?

MY WONDERFUL MISSION
PEN PENS

GM STOLE MY DJ!

CCB never tio my first 1M

broken

2007-06-28T11:20:00.000+08:00

afraid to see the future , ima hugging on you to pull me through.

MISSED PRELIMS ORAL
didnt went to school again, my mum will be calling my form teacher to say that i would return to school
ONCE ITS N LEVELS, other then that i would be studying at home.

i actually dont understand why i cant be bothered or get so worried when i missed my PRELIMS ORAL.
-sigh , my mind is actually hard core empty right now.
no idea why, i dont even know what to do.
Feel so empty.

Happy Birthday Kendrik

2007-06-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

Happy , Happiest Birthday Boy.

me , staring at the time.
OH MI GOSH. lesser then 2 hours left to his birthday.
Holding on to 12am in the morning ,
Hoping that i would be the first one , or maybe the second one
to wish him a happy birthday
with my dreadful eyes.
Tired and worned out .
Wanting to shut for the day and start a new fresh day anew.

i guess it hurts so much not able to see his smile,

hes laughters , just brighten up my day.
But i guess the girl hes with would make him much happier.

Making him laugh , smile and just being himself.

Much more to say , i was a bad girlfriend.

But , never more to say all i did was always wrong.

And right now,
either the less to say, the girl that is with him would love him as much more as i did.
Or simply to say, just love him.

As i couldnt show how much i loved him.

i guess i couldnt hold on to see your dreadedful smile you are giving me, or should i just say.
Your cold shoulders , simply hurts me.

Trying to hide those tears infront of you really , really is so hard to do so.

Maybe im the one that is the problem , fearing to love someone.

Or just forgot how to love someone back the same way he does.
Hurting worst then before,
feeling simply , like dozen of swords , daggers stabbing and piercing through my heart ,

Stabbing, bleeding , helplessly crying out for help.

endless tears, endless words.
simply just gone.
soon i be gone too.

the burden is just, just too heavy to carry.

with a heavy heart , sinking deep down .
wishing you a happy birthday,
Kendrik.

TUESDAY JUNE 26 2007

2007-06-26T15:11:00.000+08:00

Meanwhile I'll hide my head
Here in this paper bag
Cause if I can't see you
Then you can't see me
And it'll be okay
Fly little bee away
To where theres no more rain
And I can be me

HELLO ;DD
redone my blog songs , techno songs added :DD
haha , just came back from school.
School was alright (: chatted up with my SWEETHEART felt so happy after i finally saw her for so long.
I was of course happy and delighted.
Lessons was alright , kinda need letters to add up to my absence .

-SIGH , kinda missed those days when my MUMMY always greeted me when i once step at the door steps.
And of course ME complaining about my day in school
not forgetting screams and shouts of my endless pain of seeing my teachers.

My mum nagged and reminded me to eat my lunch, as i always forget to eat them.
had a sandwitch , haha will be heading for bed at 4pm as i need to add chicken stock in the soup my mum made.
-SLUP

anyways, not forgetting that its someone's birthday tomorrow.

HAPPY ADVANCE BIRTHDAY GREETINGS

BESTIE (:

2007-06-25T21:47:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the emo post ):
lol, having fun with my bestie right now.
Promised her that i would continue studying.

Anyways i told her that i entered the STOMP comp about MY BEST FRIEND.
here the link.

Tell us about your best friend

of course theres cash to be won, but i guess that its kinda fun for entering this COMP as my bestie had always been there for me.
So why not give it a shot(:
no harm trying right? lmaos .
she got touched and stuff (:
LOVE YA BABE.
if you guys wanna give it a shot please do :DDD
i just wrote total rubbish there

Anyways was playing some "rock paper sissor "with her. lmaos.

THATS ALL(:
SEE YOU TOMORROW SWEET HEART!

IF,

2007-06-25T15:53:00.000+08:00

if everyone wants me to STUDY . i rather die in the path rather then studying.
I seriously cant give a thought of what i wanna be in the future, or maybe whats even in my future.
Ever given this thought about what if your daughter felt this way. My mum got shocked totally.
My mind is empty. totally emptied. Being toyed. Loved. trashed.

Seriously , the word love. feels nothing to me anymore.
i feel so so cold. Even how much love my friends showers to me.
It cant make me feel warmer. I feel so dead. so so gone.

Im scared of loving someone , either the less scared of someone loving me the same way.
Ima sick and tired of this life. seriously wanting to start a new a fresh one.
I hate this life im having , hope the next life i have would be a happier one.

I feel so so lost. Picking me up doesnt help anymore.
Im lost , IM GONE...
where am i?

Monday june 25 2007

2007-06-25T12:39:00.000+08:00

You taught me how to love my life , like ABCs.

QUIT SCHOOL.
i talked to my mum about it last night ,
I simply couldnt spend most of my time wasting it on something that i simply have no interest on.
I told her i wanted to quit school before N LVL fees but in the end drag till now.
I dont even know what i wanna do in my future or anything.
just see total emptiness.

i told her the truth that i didnt had any interest since Secondary 3 as i only studied because for my BoyFriend and him alone. Other then that i could just stop schooling. Foolish i guess. But Seriously i couldnt stand the faces of the fcking teacher nagging about , " IF YOU DONT WANNA PAY ATTENTION THEN DONT COME" seriously i could(:

But i would go to school tomorrow -_-ll no choice i guess. -SIGH .

Wasnt feeling RIGHT yesterday , got most of the stuff that i was hidding out . Cried my night out. As usual . Just hoping i could switch back time, WHO DOESNT? Was wishing and praying . so so hard. I guess just for now, i wont have any FREAK ACCIDENTS . or flying off the window like a bird or what so ever. as long as i can keep my mind filled with some happy thought i would be fine.

But all i wanna do now is work i guess, had it with studies. RAWRR @@

2007-06-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

Elaco, your Emotional IQ is 122.

This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Tickle's Emotional IQ test. But your Emotional IQ score is much more than just a number: it's an indicator of success.

Research has shown that people with high emotional intelligence scores — not necessarily those with the highest IQ scores — tend to be the most valued and productive employees and have the longest and happiest romantic relationships.

So, where are you most emotionally smart? Your test results show that your strongest suit is empathy — your ability to see things from someone else's point

Your Weakest Emotional Category is:

Motivation
Recognizing your emotional strengths is equally important. For example, strong assertiveness can be positive, assuming you are not domineering in conversations and relationships. Strong empathy can be beneficial, as long as you don't put the interests of others before your own well-being. Moderation is the key to successfully handling your emotions.

Your Strongest Emotional Category is:

Empathy

Our test has rated you on the same characteristics professional psychological tests would use to classify the "Big Five."

Your Most Dominant Characteristic is:

Agreeableness

Your Least Dominant Characteristic is:

Intellect/Openness

being alone is the worst feeling

2007-06-24T13:18:00.000+08:00

being alone , doesnt feel so right .

SUNDAY JUNE 24 2007

dont feel right, right now, feeling that a fever is coming down on me soon . Cried last night due to some past thoughts . Found out that he having a new girlfriend right now . Should be happy about it ^^ -PATS HEAD. We can do it Elaco (: some how. feeling so faintish. will get better later i guess.

Just came home yesterday from Vanilla Darling's House :DD replying some messages right now , haha. Had fun yesterday and the day before. Couldnt blogged for the last two days . SO SORRY , that i made my blog seems so dead. anyways, BYE TO MY HANDPHONE as i would just simply type some short posts.

FRIDAY JUNE 22 2007.

the day started out as i went to meet SHULING my love . she was at HQ playing for 3 hours . SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT MY LOVE): i had to cooked rice . Anyways we went to had our dinner. And met up with TOBI , SHADOW & SKY. SKY & SHADOW complained that they wanna TON as school is reopening. But SHULING said that shes tired and dont wanna TON, so they were all nagging and complaining. and i was sitting in the middle staring at them. So SHULING gave VANILLA DAR a called to ask if she wanna TON with us. She say she was a MAC at i dunno which place with COW. and she suggested if we wanna TON at her house. So we excitedly said that we wanted to TON at her place.

and so we were thinking if should we take a bus or taxi. AND LAZY SKY AND SHADOW wanted to take a cab. We waited and waited and waited AND THERES NO FCKING TAXI? We tried to stand in the middle of the road waving like mad people. And we tried the FREE RIDE sign and no one gave us a free ride?! wtf? Anyways after for 1 WHOLE FCKING HOUR, we finally got our cab :DD

off we went to VANILLA DAR'S HOUSE. And COW didnt wanna go back to camp as so many people was TONNING and he dont wanna miss the fun out (: At VANILLA DAR had two FCKED UP DOGS. and yes i ment FCKED UP DOGS. they bark for nothing SERIOUSLY HATE GUYS! tempted to bite them to. lmaos. So we kept saying FCKED UP DOGS HAVE A FCKED UP OWNER . And VANILLA DAR kept doing the " __ FCK YOU! "

We were chatting and stuff when SHADOW suddenly said he wanted to go pee . SKY and COW said theres no toilet at VANILLA'S HOUSE wanna pee, pee out of the window. We werent serious about it but he felt for it because hes having a high tide. LMAOS. Anyways , he was standing at the window and he pee out of it -_- eww? and after his UM UM, what so ever he showed us there was still a puddle of pee on the tiles outside of the window. and he had to clean it up anyways.

and VANILLA'S HOUSE didnt "had" water so he couldnt wash his hands. LMAOS. But anyways we went to 711 because we were FCKING HUNGRY. and we took a lift down and they went to smoke. So shadow couldnt take in his pee much longer that he had to pee at the staircase. LMAOS. But SKY also couldnt take it and he had to pee. And he pee in a bottle and suddenly a red car pass by him and he had to stop pee-ing in the end he showed us the bottle of his pee -_- totally eww right.

So i guess by now you could guess how crazy my group of friends are >< !! So we head back to VANILLA'S HOUSE and we played some IQ quiz , and my IQ is like 102? LMAOS. fcking stupid. im stupid anyways makes no different (: so we chatted and joked and waited for the time to pass till 5am to wake COW up . LMAOS. SHADOW , SHULING AND VANILLA tried to wake him up for the first time and got scolding. And for the second time SHADOW have been forced to wake him up. and he just said a " YA MEH TEH" and COW woke up. LMAOS! so SHADOW and SKY went to MAC and COW went to army and left ME ,SHULING and VANILLA (:

SATURDAY JUNE 23 2007

GIRLS TALK! yep . haha , we went to sleep around 7am in the morning and her FCKED UP DOGS keep disturbing us with their barks and kept sleeping with us -_- it was scary of course . lmaos. We woke up around 2pm in the afternoon and VANILLA and SHULING complained that they were hungry so SHULING MUMMY had to cook for us X: so in the end we ate and bath and stuff.

We waited for DAVID and he fetch me and VANILLA DARLING to bunk . And we ate LONG JOHN . and i saw NO BALLS there (: So DARLING , SKY and COW played at HQ and i headed home.

-SIGH

2007-06-22T15:36:00.000+08:00

i dont understand this cold feeling inside, i guess all i need now is love.

Feeling this empty feeling once again
Doing the same thing over and over again daily.
Wake up , Check if the food have arrive.
Open the container to see what we are eating tonight
Boils rice and sit infront of my laptop.

Glad i could talk to my mum this morning.
After she left i left like crying.
no idea why,
my mum just came home.
shes sick , so she had to come home early ._.

Feeling so , empty inside.
Whats happening to me again?

Die Hard Lesson

2007-06-21T06:57:00.000+08:00

life filled with colours really makes a dreaded one feel much happier.

♥HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOUTOU KOR♥

MORNING :D
woke up at 4am this morning
-SIGH , decided to go to the temple later for a self prayer and stuff.
Yep , and about other stuff too (:
Theres three temple near by my house.
And i guess i had to do something about the Hauntings.

Well woke up today due to a nightmare.
Saw a girl in my dreams with white dreadedful dead shot eyes.
but what i saw was her standing near my bed.
Seriously need to go to the temple soon.
I guess im too stressed up right now.
hate worrying for people.

Like wise , i told BREAKZ that i dont wanna be soft hearted and yet just be cold hearted and so much problems wont be a pain to me.
i guess i really regretted helping some people in life and in the end me myself getting hurted and worried for nothing.
so i guess what ever you wanna do now just do what so ever, and i know you do know who am i talking about.
Seriously if anything happens to you , it doesnt matter to us anymore.
Right now we only concern of the two other people.
Actually i was much more concern for them then you , you are just neglecting friends too much i guess.
Hate people whom does that.
Seriously , who doesnt?

Getting sicker each day again ,
fcked up , i rather stay at home then to help some kinda attitude fcked up people to do stuff for them and they dont help themselves.
and i just doing it because i care for the person.
really cant stand them much longer!
anyways going to play PANGYA and off to bed again soon.
NIGHTS!

SURVERY!

2007-06-20T13:17:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

HEY!

2007-06-20T11:24:00.000+08:00

im not turning back to the past i used to lived in.

SHAGG!!
woke up at 6am in the morning today?
pretty shocking :DD
anyways i went on AUDITION and saw Whitebird and the rest online :DD
and we NPCed and lost alot of rounds of course.
NOT FORGETTING WHITEBIRD for getting last :DD
heres a SS
LMAOS :DD
anyways i got a new den hair for my char ^^
LOL! new hair cut and dyed my hair black :DDanyways gonna go to bed right now,
pretty much tired :DD
NITES ALL (:

SHOOT THAT THING!

2007-06-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

Pose for me ya :DD

I LOVE YOU LIKE FCK CAN?!
I WISH I CAN LOVE YOU LIKE FOREVER
YOU FCKING TURN ME ON.

Im just talking to myself :DD
MUACKS TOM!
jia yo okay :D

SO SICK AND TIRED

2007-06-19T17:34:00.000+08:00

so sick and tired of everything.

SERIOUSLY!
cant stand the word FRIENDSHIP
anymore!
simply , being made use of FRIENDSHIP THIS WORD.
i guess i wont be there for anyone any more,
either the less i wont care for what ever the person needs , person wanna hang out or what so ever.
But in the end its me myself getting hurt.

Seriously careless about it.
And really , theres already other FRIENDS of yours out there.
Im just a toy that is been dumped at one side.
I just hope you take care or what so ever.
BYE.

FREAKED OUT!

2007-06-19T06:58:00.000+08:00

Swing that thing.

FREAKED OUT!
just returned from Downtowneast.
Had a FREAK OUT TIME OF MY LIFE.
Lets just say I WONT ENTER TO ANY HAUNTED PLACES.

At first starting I went to BUNK and Met SHADOW , PAPA, TOBI, SKY & etc etc.
And LITTLE didi told us that hes AUDITION GF's Friends' Friend is having a chalet.
So we decided to go DOWNTOWNEAST.
And i remembered that YANYAN(Breakz) was also at DOWNTOWNEAST.
so i left him a message and asking if he wants to meet us.
And we went in to the NTUC's CHALET and met up with him at the BBQ PIT.

TOBI tried to do a FIRE IN THE BOTTLE act , but it failed after 6 tries.
And we try to seduce YANYAN(Breakz) To follow us to see those 'THINGS'
and finally he went with us :DD

When we first STEPPED in the Park and when we were walking .
As SHADOW , LITTLE and SKY were talking very loudly.
I felt that something was watching and following us.
Not to startled them i just told TOBI softly.
Telling him not to turn back NO MATTER WHAT.
So we went in the MAZE,
well its said that the girl jump off the tower and died.
somehow.

So we went in the first tower , it was fake and there was nothing.
And when we stepped in the field of the second tower.
i heard cries and saw a figure.
I just stunned there and grabbed YANYAN(Breakz) and he stopped and call the rest to come back.
The cries keep echo-ing in my ear.
And after that we decided not to go in.
So TOBI decided that we take a rest on the bench near by.
But that was a BAD idea as i got the feeling of something watching us ONCE AGAIN.

So there we were sitting , And it just left.
And we decided to head on with the SWAMP.
The Girl died there as she was pushed down from the tower from her friend.
And this time , SKY and LITTLE saw something standing in the middle of the enterance.
Of course when we haven stepped inside we had a COLD WIND CHILL.
TOBI , SHADOW and YANYAN(Breakz) was standing infront and we were behind.
And TOBI himself knows whats there and not saying anything.
So SKY and LITTLE just say dont go in.
And i quickly grabbed the person infront of me which was YANYAN(Breakz) arm and told him dont go in.
As SHADOW heard what SKY and LITTLE said and we just paused and when TOBI wanted to enter
he saw us STOPPING there.
And when SKY and LITTLE was explaining what happen and SHADOW talking on the phone.
I talked to YANYAN(Breakz) and when i turned my head, i saw a figure.

But anyways we left the place , and YANYAN(Breakz) went back to his friends' chalet to sleep.
As for YANYAN(Breakz) he said he saw nothing,
But in the maze there was this little child , a boy .
Staring at YANYAN(Breakz) All along.
EEP ><
And for me , it was true that 'THINGS' were looking as us , as TOBI saw them.
PLEASE DONT BRING ME THERE ANYMORE.
seriously i felt horrible

Missing

2007-06-18T16:56:00.000+08:00

in the warmness of your arms!

HI!hows life?

Just finished my chores :DD
yep , my mum just started order this food delivery .
They bring the cooked food to my house daily .
-SIGH , kinda missing home cooked food.
And im been put to the job as the RICE COOKER.
and that was the worst idea because im forgetful.

And i like my rice wet and soft X:
and sticky like japanese rice.
LMAOS.
But my sister only likes dry rice -.-
SORRY >< style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">

Just talked to my mum this morning.
haha , felt much better.
Really wanting to cry right now.
As i didnt treasured those time that i could have spend with my mummy.
And i didnt talked to her and stuff.
i guess i really deserve it .

OH YA.
limaujuice2ppgalso ----> ZIZI
hee! exposed X:

BANG!!

2007-06-18T15:31:00.001+08:00

I wish i could go far far away from a place like this.

SORRY,
for throwing my temper yesterday.

but seriously cant stand whats happening daily .
Making use of friendship just sucks to the core.
seriously need a long long break from all these.

Well gonna do back to mopping my house :DD

till then ,HEEE!

TIRED!

2007-06-18T02:07:00.000+08:00

shush, listen to the wind blowing as they singing a song to you.

TIRED!
very very SHAG.

Please forgive my temper these few days.
Im damn fcked up .
And yes, had it with the LISTENING EAR THING.
i have my own burden , stop taking me as NOTHING.
At least all i wanted is people to LISTEN TO MY FCKING ADVICE AND LISTEN TO IT
AND JUST FCKING STOP SAYING I DONT UNDERSTAND.
oh yes, FCKING HELL I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING.

STOP SAYING I DUNNO ANYTHING AND NEED MY HELP!
FCKING HELL JUST SHUT THE FCK UP AND GO DIE IN YOUR SORROWS!
And when everything starts falling apart and I FOOLISHLY AM THERE ONCE AGAIN TO LISTEN TO YOUR PAINS!
LIKE FCKING HELL PLEASE ! PLEASE! GIVE ME A BREAK!

I MYSELF , BREAKING DOWN LIKE FCK RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE MY OWN LIFE, HAVE MY OWN FCKING THINGS TO SETTLE.
SERIOUSLY WHATS FRIENDS?
WHEN I BROKE DOWN WHO WAS THERE?
NO ONE , TILL I TOLD SOMEONE OR SPAMMED MY BLOG ABOUT IT.
ALL I WANT IS JUST A FRIEND THAT MESSAGE ME AND SAY
"HEY HOW ARE YOU TODAY?"
all i get is an empty empty handphone screen with the date and time.
I guess im fcking tired of FRIENDSHIP this word.
Please please just stop everything.
im sick and tired.

Holding on

2007-06-17T00:52:00.000+08:00

길어진 하루가 내겐 힘이 들어
이런 건 나뿐인지

잡을 수 있지만 그럴 수도 없던
바보이기 때문이야 oh

따스히 내리는 햇살아래도
내 마음은 차가운, 손끝시린 어둠

나는 너무 약해, 어둔 밤에 혼자 울지 모르는데
무심히도 등을 돌리네요 난 절대 아닌데
오직 그대뿐 다른 사람은 아닌데
얼굴마저 점점 닮아가잖아

거짓말처럼 또 다른 날이 와도
외로운 건 나뿐인지

내가 그댈 위한 그림자였던
그때처럼 살 수 있을지

마음이 말해요 떠나가라고
내 두 눈은 쫓아요 그대 모습만

나는 너무 약해, 어둔 밤에 혼자 울지 모르는데
무심히도 등을 돌리네요 난 절대 아닌데
오직 그대뿐 다른 사람은 아닌데
얼굴마저 점점 닮아가잖아

마음이 흔들리는 밤, 내 기억마저도 지워야 하나요
(so tell me)

나는 너무 약해, 어둔 밤에 혼자 울지 모르는데
무심히도 등을 돌리네요 난 절대 아닌데
오직 그대뿐 다른 사람은 아닌데
얼굴마저 점점 oh baby

이런 내게 그대만 내 전부잖아

As the days get longer, it makes it harder on me.
Is it only me?

Though I could've held on,
I couldn't because I'm a fool oh..

Even the sunlight's warmth is
like an icy darkness to my heart.

I'm so weak, not knowing if I'll cry alone in the darkness of the night.
You turn your back away, it's not me.
You're all I have, there's no one else.
Even my face slowly becomes like yours

Even if another day comes like a lie,
Am I the only one lonely?

I was your shadow
could I live like that again?

My heart tells you to leave
but my eyes follow you away.

I'm so weak, not knowing if I'll cry alone in the darkness of the night.
You turn your back away, it's not me.
You're all I have, there's no one else.
Even my face slowly becomes like yours

My heart hinders in the night, and I find I must erase my memories too
(so tell me)

I'm so weak, not knowing if I'll cry alone in the darkness of the night.
You turn your back away, it's not me.
You're all I have, there's no one else.
Even my face slowly.. oh baby

Here comes HAPPINESS

2007-06-16T16:56:00.000+08:00

Thanks for lighting up my days guys , i seriously needed that wake up call.

Hi! hows life?
I miss the fck faces right now):

SORRY! that i didnt blogged yesterday!
DEEPEST APOLOGIES!

FRIDAY JUNE 15th 2007

had a rough night the day before due to the LISTENING OF SADDNESS of my dear friends.
Went to meet up with BUNNIE MAN :DD
missed him so much .
and we went to BUNK to npc.
and... yep something happened.
then we Met up with CMI SHADOW , SKY AND REEN :DD
and went to ate steam boat .
But i didnt had any mood to eat , guess there was too much air in my stomach as i didnt ate for the whole day.
So SHADOW & BUNNIE MAN followed me to the arcade.
and we played some lame game ,
LOL!
some samurai game where you need to swing your sword and its lazer and stuff.
LOL!
So Fcking Funny!
When i was playing it BUNNIE MAN & SHADOW kept laughing at me.
lol. i guess i got too high.
and i swang the sword around and everywhere.
And after that CRAZE of the game.
We finally moved on to another game.
Uh, some car freak craze accident game.
You are driving a car and if you bang on any cars you will have a deduction of cash and your window screen would crack.
LMAOS.
there was once when the COMPUTER banged on a big TRUCK!
and blocked our way . And Three of us banged on the car and had an accident and our car screen cracked.
After that we went back to meet SKY to say our goodbyes as we went to CITY HALL to met up with KAREN.

Once we reached CITY HALL. That place really brought back many happy memories of me and my 2 yrs ex
-SIGH , time passes real fast.
so there we were waiting for SHADOW to finish he's stuff.
And we went back to bunk to meet up with SHUSHU MY LOVE (:
she got depressed and stuff due to some stuff.
and we chatted and stuff.
And saw LASI JIE & ELEENA :DD
LASI JIE could tell that something was wrong with me .
And she gave me a hug and i cried , i guess i couldnt hold back those tears much longer too.
And after everything , ME , SKY , SHADOW & MY LOVE went to CINE to meet up with
MOOO & VANILLA DAR (: and we ate and settled some stuff and me and MY LOVE went home as we couldnt go to the , UMM, Haunted Houses?
STRAWBERRY JAM ANYONE?
And when i reached home i called BUN DARLING and chatted with her(:
ALRIGHT,
Gonna go rot and stuff now.

oh and,
BUN DARLING JIA YO OKAY (:
i would always be here and stuff for you ya :DD

THANKS BREAKZ , TOUTOU KOR , LAO GONG , LASI , MYLOVE, SKY , SHADOW , TOBI , BUN DARLING , ZIZI.
AND MANY MANY OTHERS FOR YOUR ADVICE AND CONCERN(;

Cover it

2007-06-14T19:53:00.000+08:00

im trying my best to cover my eyes and just stop thinking about you♥

im , losing myself .
Like totally.
Seeing him yesterday seriously lose my control.
Not only he gave me a stare in his eyes.
I'm totally fell in love with him totally so deeply.

Shery , blamed every single thing to Elvis when she pm me.
Eitherless to say i didnt care much. But from a joke from BUN DARLING she took it so seriously.
Or maybe it was just me ,
NO FUNERAL FOR ELVIS UH?
as if you know me well i would scold the person.
And she start saying that im hating her .
Seriously , I just guess im really foolish.
Like what Lasi jie said , maybe all the things we are doing for them maybe we just need a little return . Just maybe one small return it will content us .

And ZIZI, i tired it before .
Even trying to do the stuff i like just to take my mind away ,
But i guess it didnt work.
i guess i shouldnt take relationship so seriously.

Bun Darling ,
I guess crying makes me feel better.
As always no one is by my side or either do they message and ask if im fine.
how am i doing. i guess i got used to it.
So just doing a part of the crying just feel me in with a lil numbness to forget anything.

Gonna go PANGYA to meet up with BUNNIE MAN :DD
SO EXCITED !

Lonliness

2007-06-13T13:12:00.000+08:00

All so alone . so left out.

Every morning i wake up with nothing but a feeling of emptiness
i dont even know why am i feeling this way.
Numbness of course filled me up in a way.
-Sigh , i wish someone was by my side right now to guide me along this lonely path.
Im glad that my mum would be at home at 6pm.
Daily . Just so happy about it.

I cant believe im crying about this emptiness again.
-Sigh.

Things are getting better, i guess

2007-06-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

Trying to move on with a new path ♥

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BREAKZ !

Hello :DDD
haha , just got my Laptop auto restarted ._.
was in PANGYA playing 18 assholes with ALI BABA & BUNNIE MAN
lol!
was patchin AUDITION when was playing
and i finished patching ,
POOF!
everything was gone -.-
now i have to repatch it .
AND THERE GOES MY PANGS ):

Things are getting fine with me i guess :DDD
begun to talk alot .
haha , i wished things would be even happier if he was next to be and with me.
shucks . kill that thought.
have been playing AUDITION with DNN AND BUNBUN DARLING this few late nights :DDD
and yes!
IM PROUD THAT IM OWNING DNN :DDD!
here it is :DDD
DNN aint you proud of XNN improving?!
LOL.
-claps
he called me a looney):
i guess i am
lmaos.
haha!

MUACKS MY BELOVEDS♥

Last.

2007-06-11T20:25:00.000+08:00

Thanks NASIA your music let me fell in love with it :DD

It suits for the mood im in .

im so worn out , im starting to drift away.

Im so tired, so worn out .
Body is so so weak right now.
Ever steps makes me feel like fainting .
Drifting with every step.
Feeling that my heart is so heavy.
Im so tired.

Elaco please please , hang on.
I would be waiting , although it hurts so so much.
Follow your heart is what you guys always teach me.
I would , and my heart says i still love him deeply so.
Foolishness it may mean.
But i really love you .
really .
Even if it takes forever to be with you , what it takes .
I would still be waiting.

REPLIES

2007-06-11T17:39:00.000+08:00

♥MY BELOVED REPLIES(:

♥TOUTOU KOR ,
you aint a baka :DDD

♥ALI BABA ,
can see you are getting lamer x: thanks for your concern(:
its not always like that , when you are young things seems differently from now.
Life doesnt have to carry on , if it doesnt why does people commit sucide?

♥LAOGONG ,
You didnt notice me through out the whole day ): you were busy looking at your 2ND LAO PO ♥ NANA ,
i miss you too SWEETIE :DD

♥ KOOKIES ,
i wll try my best :D

If there was a chance

2007-06-11T17:33:00.000+08:00

if there was ever once chance for me to return in your arms again .
I'm willing to do anything , just anything to be with you again,
but i guess there was never this chance to be with you anymore.
im weakening , dreaded .

Truth.

2007-06-11T07:10:00.000+08:00

dwelling endlessly.

MONDAY JUNE 11 2007
I guess i have been living in the worlds of his lies
i guess you just thought its so easy to lie to me.
what do you think i am?
I guess it is such fun to play with a mind freak ,
maybe someday i would wanna seal my mind shut with out thoughts to just live in the world of your lies.
maybe it would be less hurtful.

im gonna kill myself at home , die what ever who cares.
hate seeing BUNK! hate going BUNK!
all my thought was " WHERE IS ELVIS ? "
wth! HAD IT.
Thanks for the lies you told me.
I knew you wanted to avoid me.
you didnt had to told people to say that its not that its another thing.
I loved you so deeply till i can read what ever thoughts you are having.

I guess too deeply , im like a mind freako .
Hate it .
Right now , hes feeling so lost .
Lost in the middle of no where.
He doesnt wanna see me.
He doesnt wanna do anything.
I have a feeling that he wants some love.
i know he does , deeply.
Hes feeling very tired about life.
Feeling confused.
does it sounds like how you feel ELVIS?
maybe ,

But , i couldnt do much as i told him that i still loved him the night before yesterday.
2nd chance , didnt believe in it .
Maybe i just think im not worth for it.
Since he thinks that i would backstab him,
since he thinks that im like a bytch for scolding him behind his back.

SUNDAY JUNE 10 2007
Went to BISHAN to meet up with my abusive husband & LITTLE didi
then we went to my abusive husband's house to DL the audition game on DIDI'S psp.
AND I OWN DIDI IN THE GAME X:
FIRST TIMMERS' LUCK :DDD !

Then we went down to bunk to meet TOUTOU KOR :DDD
and saw CK and ......... -sigh , at bunk
Saw him smiling happily , i guess everything to him is alright now .
But i was glad to saw him smiling , made me feel much better.
Then ME , DIDI , TOUTOU AND MY ABUSIVE HUSBAND went to on COMPs.

FIRST WE PLAYED ;
COUPLE ----> i got pek chek asking to change mode
CHERO
AND THEN NPC.
I first time x12 in the song CANNON GROOVE X:
last min x12 ninja npc and got first xP
was laughing like mad.
of course TOUTOU got damn high with me
lol

Then we went to eat and send MY HUSBAND off as shes meeting her ffamily ):
And went back bunk to rot .
After that TOBI wanted to eat so we went MAC,
-sigh , and i just cried because of some stuff.
Thanks TOUTOU KOR for lending me your shoulder
and i didnt felt like going home , so i tonned with TOBI and the rest.
And went to HQ as usual and ROT ROT and ROT.
was talking about Ghost stories x:
and SKY was scared as he frighten if the thing follows him.
haha , hes reaction was so cute.
Then he keep saying , DONT FOLLOW ME DONT FOLLOW ME!
and i told him , the more you say the more it would follow you.
And he got frighten and say , OK! FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME!
lmaos , by the time he noticed what he said it was too late X:
anyways , going to audi awhile and bed time.

i hope you feel happier ignoring me...
if it makes you happier , i dont mind it.

Dreams?

2007-06-10T05:36:00.000+08:00

dreaded , just just so tired.

DREAMS?
i couldnt dream about some one whom is loved by another person
BUN ---> HAO
TOURAN ----> CLOUDIE
seriously , i couldnt continue with my thoughts.
i love him , yes to the max.
he start lying to me about stuff.

i guess , i found out why im aint eating.
is because hes aint eating too.
i found out that , i have not been wanting to go out.
either does he.
all we wanna do is trap ourself in our house.
why am i starting to be in the thoughts of people?

i dont wanna dream about anyone else , only him.
it doesnt makes me sad KOR.
I cant see him in real life right now
I cant hug him in real life
i cant , i just cant.
in my dreams i can do anything.
feeling free.
to dream of anyone.
just a hug , or maybe a kiss.
anything , you dream about it.
it will come true.

till then , i guess my mind would be tired dead.
right now , im so numb , weak and lost.
i dont know how long . just how long i would hang on .

HI! hows life?

2007-06-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

with your warm tender kisses.

MY GREAT YANDAO ADVISOR ;
How are you doing mei?

I dont know , i really dunno.
im feeling horrible .
maybe just getting worst.
i have not been eating.
not been sleeping.
i really dunno.
just tears and more tears filling up in my life.
getting weaker and weaker.

how am i feeling now , what do i want?
seriously i thought of it.
I just wanna see him right now and just have a tight cuddle from him.
-sigh , i know it will never happen.
But just let me dream about a cuddle or something from him please?
i wish my dream can make this wish true.
I guess i really miss him.
Missing him alot.
feeling vex , feeling stupid.

UGH.
stop thinking about all of this .

MEMORY LANE

2007-06-09T16:09:00.000+08:00

As i was looking through my AUDITION SCREENSHOTS,
I decided to share some MEMORIES of mine :DDD

we ONCE started as a NOOB ,

A first and Longest friendship i made in AUDITION was Elvis_P , i knew him before i knew Toutou kor, Dancebaby kor , Bun darling & Hao .
i told you didnt forgot you along the way.

When no one knows whom were we , of course not forgetting we were noobs.
Either do we saw each other before not forgetting

Everything has to be practiced to make it perfect.

I was kinda shocked when i saw this screen shot of xia0PRINCE & boreesome in my room
and i said that i didnt saw his ign before :P

Bringing out the KOOKIES :dDD

The first 1m that i saw in AUDITION

I say that i will OWN you one day in AUDITION Dnn KOR :DDD
i had it with your TAUNTINGS !
lmaos of course we were just playing.
But i MENT it by owning DNN :dDD

So here i was TRYING TO WIN HIM

With MANY FAILURES! But not giving up HOPE!

Till one day i won him, of course it was my happiest day
as i tired winning him over for HALF A YEAR AND I FAILED._.

CANDIE shots :DD can someone tell me why are we
so bo liao?

SAY AH PAAAA!

The TWO HAIRYSOME DAUGHTERS
and the SAXY BU FATHER

The first GM i saw after for so long

NO LIFE!
4 MILLON!
LIFELESS FREAKS X:
NO LIFE!

COUPLE LOVE :DD

WHY MY LAO GONG SUDDENLY SO HUGE ><

Not forgetting about our WARS :DDD
between our exp!

Im POORER then a church mouse!

WEDDING :dD

1,2 PARTY SCORE><

That is of course i couldnt aim for 0 misses):
still trying!

as for my life now , dont feel like going out much.
-sigh .
still there alot of things i have to put behind to move on.
Hope hes happier now.
But i guess he wont even leave me a message as we are still always friends.
hais. if i wasnt late .
If , when i found out the truth.
that was when i was never too late for it.
we would still be together.
nothing much but regrets i guess.

FCK STUPID BLOGGER

2007-06-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

FCKING BLOGGER! LET MY WORDS BE SEEN DAMN IT!

just came back home from a outting :DD
went out with HAO, BREAKZ , SHUYA , HORNIEGIRL & BALLFREAKS .
HAO went to brought us to drink the HOLY LIMAU.
lmaos.
Chatted with HAO and told him all my problems :DDD
as we didnt chat for a long time , hope he will pass BUN DARLING my stories as i dont see her that often)':
I HOPE TO SEE BUN DARLING SOON ):

anyways , reached back home and had a MY OWN MIND CHAT.
As usual i always chat with myself . in my thoughts that is.
abit looney to talk to myself face to face , but it doesnt matter does it (:
so okay there i was talking to myself.
and i guess bits and pieces of my mind patch back .

FIRSTLY,
the day before me and KENDRIK broke up, well before OXY told all the lies about me backstabbing him.
I told KENDRIK that he would trust OXY instead of me .
But KENDRIK whispered to me and gave me a hug and say " i will trust you no matter what baby "
And i just have tears flowing down from my cheeks , and he asked me not to cry.
Well you guessed it after that ,
He trusted OXY and we broke up.

SECONDLY
i knew KENDRIK would be back with ELEENA , and guess what .
they are now.

oh and , you guys keep saying i think too much.
aint it that all the thoughts facing it to reality?
I guess its freaky , but its true.
Frankly speaking , if i ever told you dont ever do this .
Just believe me , just trust me.
Deep behind the truth, theres a real meaning in it.
i guess not many people know about this but,
i guess i cant hide too many things behind my heart right now.

i just hate myself for being like this ,
or maybe just saying being like a devil .
Or just , just being such a fool for keeping too many things to myself.
Cursing people doesnt works anymore sweetie .
Stop it and leave them in peace shall we .

Anyways , im having gastric right now.
hurts alot.
gonna go now , chatting with KOOKIES(:

i cant sleep nights

2007-06-08T05:27:00.000+08:00

Right now is 0528am in the morning.
nothing then the i cant fall asleep nights.
with problems dwelling in my mind.
sure i wont do anything silly (:
maybe for the thought right now.

who would even trust what i would say,
or maybe for that sentance,
sure things doesnt goes my way.
it never does.
when does it goes my way?

-sigh , just go to sleep Elaco.
close your eyes and everything will be fine , for a short time.

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to she'd some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

Oh oh oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Oh oh oh

Its really over

2007-06-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

With a sentance , he told me he went back with Eleena.
It really breaks my heart.
Im so confused , so lost .
I dont even know to be happy or just sad.
Everything seems so easy for you.

I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold
Until the end, into this pool of blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of...
everything..

And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever

so confused..
so unloved..
he finally messaged me today , around 10plus.
i finally smiled, and thought to myself that he still loved me.
with a thought with his sorrys ment nothing .
with a thought that he really cared for me.
with a thought that he read my blog for his own thoughts , but actually it aint his .
stop lying to me.
stop this , stop everything.

i cant take this anymore...
really , seriously .. ending this pain.
im so sorry i have to end up hurting myself.
im so so sorry.
in your arms i come again.
im so sorry my beloved.
im so sorry i broke promises.
but its for the best ...
for everything.
i hope he would be happier with her.
wish you both the best.

HAPPY HAPPY!!

2007-06-07T21:41:00.000+08:00

OUT WITH MY PARENTS DAY♥

When out with my PARENTS & MY SISTER for dinner :DD
had fun of course!
My mum said that it was since so long when the last time she brought me and my sister out for dinner , or maybe just a simple dinner.
haha.
On the way home i saw DEVILJAS & NANA at mosburger(:
We chatted and when we started talking my ice-cream kinda melted):

-sigh , yes i missed him when i was out with my parents.
i wished he was here beside me right now.
or maybe simply just being with me.
i miss the person caring for me .
i miss the person whom always hugs me.
i miss hanging out with him.
miss holding his hands.
this thoughts just kills me , without saying , tears flowing down from my cheeks.
im sorry , just so sorry...

tired

2007-06-07T14:43:00.000+08:00

Sorry for not being online these few days.
I got just simple things to say now in my life that are coping up with my time.

HOUSE CHORES - my mum will not be at home so i have to do all the house chores as in my sister wont be doing it -_- ll
either the less i dont want my mama to do so much work at home when shes so pressured at work
and all i want her to do is relax at home ^^

And simply enough to say that i wont be coming online that often.
And about the work stuff , i decided to give it up.
Simple enough to say , its just silly to work for a guy that is just given up on me.

Not forgetting to say , yes i given up on him.
Tired of crying . and i guess i should just listen to TOUTOU KOR'S advice of not seeing him that often . And i guess with my house chores i can give an excuse of not seeing him.
But i guess it hurts me deep inside of not seeing him , will get over it . I guess.
Woke up today feeling so horrible , most of the time.
The numbness in me really kills me . -SIGH.
i guess for all the things i been keeping inside have been told out to TOUTOU KOR really made me feel better , for now . And made me numb , so so numb today.
never the less , THANKS TOUTOU KOR ♥

LIES

2007-06-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

OKAY!
FEELING SO FCKED UP!
finally i cant take in the promises i made to myself !!
and now im gonna spout it all out!
as since he wont be reading my blog anyways

i lied to KENDRIK(ELVIS) that i wanna work because i wanted to buy MAPLE PPC for PANGYA SUITS and stuff.
The reason the fact was because i wanna buy him a PSP for his birthday.
Ever the less my BESTIE of mine intro-ed me a work place which shes working at currently its $4.80 per hour.
which is ,

$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 17
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 28
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 37
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 50
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 60
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 64
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 70
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 84
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR
$4.80 - 1 HR 92
= $441.60 - 92 hours
1 DAY 24 HOURS .
24 + 24 + 24 + 24

-sigh , how how?
i guess i dunno if i wanna do this as we broke up , hes ignoring me.
maybe he dont even wants my gift anymore..
but , i guess i gonna work somehow , plus i still have to do house work.
brain not thinking!!
GOSH ):

Demolition Lovers

2007-06-05T15:10:00.000+08:00

my all time fav song
decided to set this song in my blog.

Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets

I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after all the the things we put each other through and

I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

But this time, I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

Until the end, into this pool of blood
Until this, I mean this, I mean this
Until the end of...

I'm trying, I'm trying
To let you know how much you mean
As days fade, and nights grow
And we go cold

But this time, we'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls on desert sky
Until the end of every...

All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this

As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms

Forever, forever
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning
Forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun

And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever

waiting for you

2007-06-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you and I’m wishing you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go?
You could have let me know; so now I’m all alone

Boy you could have stayed but you wouldn’t give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

Been a long time since you called me
How could you forget about me
You gotta be feeling crazy
How can you walk away
When Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby

What will it take to make you come back
Boy I told you what it is and it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me?
You’re still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying

Baby why can’t we just start all over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you

So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you’re keeping inside
That is not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it’s the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you
I’ll be waiting …

cant expect much.

2007-06-05T11:02:00.001+08:00

This is what love is ♥
thanks so much for it

TIRED, WORN OUT, WANTING TO GIVE UP.
im so tired , so worn out .
soso tired.
so filled with dreads
but never the less . as i said , i will move on as i know he did move on already.

I guess tomorrow would be the last day i will be waiting for him.
I messaged him yesterday and yes he didnt reply.
I guess it really broke my heart to yet . Deeper and deeper pain.
When i found back love , i guess all i could say now is Thank you.
But never the less , i learned how to gave up . not only in order for him to be happy , but just simply alone.
For his happiness.

REPLIES

2007-06-04T15:52:00.000+08:00

♥REPLIES

-BUN DARLING
nothing happened darling(: dont worry :DDD love you

-ABUSIVE HUSBAND
i love you too(:

-LASI JIE
i scared i hug till wont let go x:

- ZIZI
lol. welcome to my blog(:
its like that >< try to post a happy post :DD

Things just never gets better.

2007-06-04T14:40:00.000+08:00

spread your arms wide and fly freely like a bird♥

baby baby, do you know how much i miss you.
i guess everything doesnt matter to you now.
i guess i just have to move on , some how.

i dont blame anyone for what happened ,
as all this happened is no one to blame but myself.

Yes, im getting sick .
Starting to lost my memory .
-SIGH.
so sorry if i forgot what we chatted about and stuff.
BUT , i guess if things were hurting deep inside of me , i would just remember it .
Some how.
dont even remember what am i doing ,
when im typing half way its like my own fingers control itself.
i really need a long break.

going to school tomorrow , and wed is the day of my check up.
Hopefully i can see all my beloved ones today as its my last day of going out this few days as my mum want me to.
I guess she wants the results to turn out fine.
So if you guys are reading this . Please call me ASAP ♥

gonna go now , TAKE CARE GUYS(:
And if you really wanna know the results on WED,
i would just message the Results to the people that really wanna know.
Rather then just sympathy knowing about it.
Rather saying that they just dont are but they act like they do(:
seriously that really changed my mindset of typing the results on my blog
TILL THEN,

CONFUSION

2007-06-03T18:02:00.000+08:00

confused , gone , lost in the middle of the love you gave me♥

Love is patient, love is kind.
Love is a special thing in our heart.
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love must be as much a light as it is a flame.
Because of you, i know what love is.
You life me up because you gave me love
Where there is love there is life.

"I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you."

You are the special thing in my heart

thanks for the sweet poem, will never forget everything you said♥

drowning myself with my selfish tears , for because i loved a person too deeply.
or maybe just saying . I only wanted his concerns.
i guess , its the best way for him for being there . somewhere without me.
i guess , people whom live in my life are really hurting in my pain.
Is because , i suck
and not forgetting , cause so much pain and sadness for them.
Self proclaimed love by myself♥
lies to myself , when i know deep inside . no body really loves me

seeing his MSN nick now really breaks my heart .
I guess hes gone back to her side.
I should feel happy for him.
But i dont understand why am i feeling a lost pain deep inside that hurts me deeply that leaves me nothing but a breathless minutes.
everything is unexplainable .
I saw him for the last time yesterday , felt so happy.
But i guess , everything i did was always wrong .
Never right , i guess he was suffering more then i am.
As Suffering means nothing to me anymore.

Wont be typing out my results for my head scan.
Seriously im just fcked up anger to revengens .
Maybe , hating myself for pure innocents .
Maybe just to say , he thinks im that way .
-Sigh , im always this way infront of people.
A LIAR , A FLIRT , A BACKSTABBER , A NOT SO NICE PERSON.
but i guess i think too much .
or maybe im just not a nice person after all.
Maybe i should be left alone with no one by my side.

I guess i wont to things to betray my heart right now.
Yes i still love him , alot.
maybe he doesnt feel this way .
I guess , i wont give up on the I STILL LOVE HIM.
thou all i heard yesterday was ,
ITS TOO LATE .
ITS TOO LATE.
to me , nothing is too late if we still love each other.
Doubt my thoughts.
I really guess its too late.
for him to love me once again.

" Overwhelming of regrets - now i realise you still treat me the best. you are always in my heart "

i guess his msn nick , this sentance is for Ellena
hurts to see my msn right now.
my fingers are too weak to type right now.
no mood to eat , no mood to do anything
no idea why am i feeling this way.
I guess i felt love for once again.
How we felt in love , is by the held of your hands.
Just felt so warm , felt that i was loved again
stupid , or dumb to feel this way of my sillyness?
For waiting for nothing while he moved on.
Watch POC when i never even watch any of the movies before is all because he wanted to watch it.
I guess im always silly , dumb stupid.
Stupid enough to be this way

feeling so lost, feeling ... dead.
Dreaded , yep.
i guess i just would cry now and then in awhile.
im alright i guess , but not forgetting to thank for my beloved ones for cheering me up(:

Thank you TOUTOU KOR for being there for me and listening to my pain and giving me your love and not forgetting shoulder to cry on

Thank you MY ABUSIVE HUBAND for your hugs

Thank you WHITEBIRD for listening to my stories

Thank you SHADOW , SKY , LITTLE for being there and accompanying me when im sad

Thank you ALI BABA for trying to cheer me up , but failed and never gives up.

Thank you BUN DARLING & HAO for being there for me always , been half a year aint it(: thanks for your concerns

Thank you all my beloved !
last but not least ,

Thank you KENDRIK for loving me and giving me loads of love

i dunno what am i gonna do now ,
lost somewhere .
All i know is , im never gonna do something to betray my love for him.
head hurts its numb till it became nothing.
till then ,

HPDEAD. everything is gone

2007-06-03T16:18:00.000+08:00

everything is gone for good♥ i guess its the best way for us

HP DEAD.
my handphone died due to the sadness of an abusive owner ,
will be going to the hospital soon
so i changed my hp to my old hp . But i wont be messaging anyone much .
Just call my hp ya?

We broke up .
its was my fault . Wasnt perfect enough for him.
i guess i can kill myself enough for the pain.
feel so dreaded. Maybe im so fcked up.
im useless .
I guess right now . Im nothing .
Lost , somewhere .
Insulted and Dreaded.
Prove my innocents , will prove me nothing right now.
Everything is gone , Gone gone like before.
im tired , really am.

HOWS LIFE?

2007-06-02T13:45:00.000+08:00

hows life♥?

Banged my head out of confusion , out of sadness.
Ever the less , Elaco doesnt need anyone to sympthy her , or either just simply trust infront of her face.
She knows who really loves her , or even simply dote her and trust her.

but just to say now. i give up one everyone.
trust what you want and trust what you dont.
Thats what i always care in life.
or maybe i dont even bother about life bit by bit right now.

Thanks Alibaba & Little didi for being there for me yesterday♥
right now , im so confused with life, felt as if its dead..

im PEFECTLY FINE . i guess.

2007-05-31T22:59:00.000+08:00

the sweetness of the strawberry♥ , im perfectly fine.. i guess?

♥LOVE THE CHOCOLATES MY MUM BOUGHT FOR ME♥

~~PEFECTLY~~ Ruined Life ;
Either-less to say that im suffering right now.
Unexplainable feelings.
My love for a guy is equals to a guy that doesnt matter much about me.
Which means , im suffering in pain sliently.

With pain that seeing my own Boyfriend being close to a girl which that makes me jealous.
With pain that i couldn't put a ♥ to the guyfriends im close with or cares for me.
With pain that i couldn't spend time with my group of family i loved so much♥ and be with his group only
With pain of giving in so much and get blamed
With pain and fears of going out
With pain of dreadful tears
With pain of being controlled

i guess i changed so much i starting to fear to look in the mirror at myself again.
With no smiles , no laughers .
Just tears and tears alone.
Feel so stucked in the middle of no where.
Maybe somewhere but i dont understand where i am at all.

Staying at his house tomorrow ,
To spend more time with him.
But i guess , all this im doing .
He doesnt does it the same way too.
I guess hes treating this as a FRIENDSHIP Relationship.
from the way i feel it.
Eat when hes hungry
Doesnt when hes not.
And i starving .
Doesnt really matters(:

My lips are getting paler and paler .
And tears keep flowing everyday.
Was so happy when i saw BUN DARLING♥ just now at bunk.
She just brighten up my day.
Didnt got to see MY ABUSIVE HUSBAND , TOUTOU KOR AND LASI JIE♥ ):

really need a shoulder to cry on right now
cant stand all the pressure im going through right now

BLAMED BLAMED BLAMED

2007-05-30T15:20:00.000+08:00

SERIOUSLY!

wtf do you guys want!
MAKE ME SUFFER IN PAIN.
DREADED TEARS.
FCKED UP THINGS.
HATE SEEING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE!
LIFE LIFE LIFE!
WTF SHYT THING IS THE MEANING OF THIS FCKING WORD LIFE.
HATE IT HATE IT HATE EVERYTHING!

i guess, everything is just too much to handle now.
Feel so fcking broken down.
broken into pieces of dreads.
head hurts so much with thoughts of hatered.
heart hurts with dreads so much that it could stop beating.
hate everything.
lost somewhere ,
i wanna stop crying .
i wanna stop all this hurts.
just wanna be left alone.
alone somewhere♥

thanks for the people whom cared so much for me♥
my family my beloved ones♥
the memories will be kept deep in my heart where i always loved you

i guess , if i ever meet you guys again.
i would just be a feeling-less freak.

big confusion

2007-05-30T13:14:00.001+08:00

Big Confusion ♥

Big confusion with LOVE.
big time!
I have nothing to say much either.
Being blamed and stuff.
Somehow wished i never went into a relationship.
Really Give up on guys right now.
Hopelessly useless to cry and dwell on stuff.
I guess i gonna turn into a fcking lesbian.
MY MIND OF THOUGHTS ARE REALLY FCKED UP MESSY.
or maybe just be a nun |:

Anyways , This is STRICLY my blog!
I HAVE THE RIGHTS TO SAY WHAT I WANT,
AFTER ALL ITS MY BLOG?
I CAN SPAM I AND SWEAR I CAN DO ANYTHING.
NAME IT DONE IT.
not happy about it?
LEAVE THEN (:
maybe some people dont understand me about stuff.

SO LISTEN UP

1) I DONT CALL PEOPLE BYTCH , SLUT AND NOOBS.

2) I DONT CURSE PEOPLE TO DIE THAT HARD UNLESS ITS ON ME MYSELF AND I.

Not forgetting if they are flirts because they are SO dead in my life(:

LASTLY ,

3) I HATE BACKSTABBERS ,

BUT I DONT BOTHER MUCH ABOUT WHAT THEY SAY,
But i guess it just pissed me of for being blamed for nothing or maybe said about things that i never do or named in my list of evils things?
AND IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT MY BLOG COMPLAINING
THAT IM TALKING ABOUT YOU?

PLEASE SEE YOUR NAME IS STATED THERE BEFORE THE WORDS COME OUT FROM YOUR MOUTH.

Not forgetting that LIED-gossip are just farts of a loser .

seriously, if you never done anything wrong would you feel so sensitive?

haven been AUDI-ing much as i hate it now.
dont feel like going out today.
but guess i have to somehow .
Rather then rotting at home.
-SIGH.
being at home alone really made a USE-TO-IT mood.

Mum has gone to work
Dad has gone to work
Sister is in school
Guess home alone for me .
I guess much of it left me nothing but emptyness .
Not to forget, happiness is left behind too♥

happiness of being home alone
alone to do what i want :P
WAHAHA!
but i guess im tired of being alone at home ):
no one to talk to.
ONLY MYSELF AND THE GOLDFISHES :DDD
anyways , Eating disorder of me .
No idea when i started ):
gonna go now.
check my audi char , at the same time play audi.

TAGGIE REPLIES♥

♥ALI BABA ; I DONT WANT MY HOUSE TO BE BURNED DOWN :P
♥MY ABUSIVE HUSBAND ; dont need darling :DD dont kan xiao me):
♥EYECANDY ; My handphone is always on(: you can call anytime ?

FAILURE

2007-05-29T12:59:00.000+08:00

im a complete failure!
wanted to bake cookies for my mum.
And yes . i failed as the cookies are too bitter :\
As i guess i dunno how to put in my love in the cookies.
and its not CHAO TAR.
its coco powder ._.

sorry mama i failed):
anways . gonna rush out of my house right now.
will be back<3

PS * Bunbun darling i will tell you on msn later(:

who can stand it?

2007-05-28T10:05:00.000+08:00

couldnt stand the nightmare yesterday.
decided to cry it all out.
Scared him to bits.
Im sorry my love .

Meeting him later ^^
Maybe meeting WHITEBIRD TOBI too (:
Haven seen him for quite awhile .
haha.
will update soon <3

STFU

2007-05-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

STFU!
hating you for my life!
i guess i know why the some reason i never tell people my problems!
WITH THE FCKERS AND THEIR BIG MOUTH!

I GUESS YOU ARE JUST HAPPY THAT YOU MADE MY BF SOUNDED LIKE A FLIRT
THANKS UH!
i guess i just break off now
i really dont want his name to be RUINED SICK!
really dont understand HUMANS!
fcked up bytches.

KILL YOURSELF PLEASE!
STAB YOURSELF TILL YOU BLEED TO DEATH.
HOPE I HEAR YOUR SCREAMS IN PAIN.

FCKERS FCKERS FCKERS!
living in my world.
please die.
Curses in your life.
Cursed your LIFE FOREVER!
CURSE YOU LOVE LIFE!
CURSE EVERYTHING!
leave ! JUST LEAVE!
I HATE SEEING EVERYTHING NOW.
FCKING DAMN SHYT.
EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT.
FCKER FCKER!
DIE ELACO DIE ELACO DIE!
DIE DAMN IT !
DIE!!
STUPID FCKER!
JUST MOTHER FCKING DIE YOU BYTCH!
SLUT!
DIE YOU IN YOUR ARMS OF YOUR HATERD!
DEAD IN THE COLD FLOOR!

I DONT LOVE ANYONE
ANYMORE!!
NOBODY!
I HATE EVERY SINGLE FCKING THING!
I DONT LOVE YOU!
I DONT LOVE ANYONE!
I HATE EVERYONE!
I HATE IT
HATE IT!

IM OFFING MY HANDPHONE!
OFFING EVERY SINGLE THING!
FCKING LIFE.
FCKING EVERY PIECE OF SHYT THING!
I WANNA BE ALONE!
DIE ALONE.
JUST END THIS LIFE.
END EVERYTHING.
HATE SEEING IT.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR EVERY THING!
THANKS SO MUCH ELACO.
THANKS SO MUCH SAMANTHA.
THANKS FOR MAKING ME SO HAPPY
NO DOUBT I LIVED HAPPILY IN YOU.
THANKS SO MUCH!
ITS SO NICE SEEING YOU GONE SOONER OR LATER.
STOP SAVING YOURSELF.
THERES NO ONE THAT CAN SAVE YOU.
YOU WONT REGRET THIS.
ITS HAPPINESS.
ITS EVERYTHING.
JUST GIVE IT UP..
JOIN ME IN THE WORLD WITHOUT PAIN AND HATERED..

you are gonna love it

FCKED UP

2007-05-27T16:40:00.000+08:00

fcked up.
is the mood im in now.
Totally horrible day i had today
Morning , was the start of a wonderful day.
When it turns to afternoon. It turned horrible.
Ignorance , is what i wished i had.
Couldnt be bothered much.
Just wanna go to sleep right now.
And hope things would be better later on.

Feeling emo, feeling moody again.
Audition . HA! im a MAIN NOOB wtf is your problem.
couldnt be bothered much about AUDITION.
fcked up day.
GO DIE DAMN IT FUGGER.

I started to unbelieve the word FRIENDSHIP.
bit by bit.
what for care for someone when all they do is backstab you and start to ignore you?
What for?
Foolishness !
Please lah Elaco , no body really loves you deep inside!
For fck reason you care and worry sick for a person?
Just foolish damn bytch.
Wake up!
Stop caring for anybody anymore .
Stop caring for yourself deep inside the tears are nothing but regrets.
Rather stop crying in regrets then live happily aint it?
Stop caring .
Please.. just stop it.

new beginning?

2007-05-27T13:05:00.000+08:00

i dont love you like i loved you yesterday.

171's POST

Colouring my life with your endless care and love
Prehaps this is really love
Fear it , doubt it
Give me time to get use to this
Deep inside i do really love you
Maybe its just longing for endless hatered that i have been living in to made me change
Towards the warth of wanting much of love
So much of it that i hated it
And starts to dwell away from the need of it
But , from all this words
I really LOVE you sweetie

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is my 171's post (:
haha finally found out how many post i had.
Anyways , i have great news!
my mummy found a job interview.
YAY!
But theres another bad news.
That i had to be at home to cook dinner -_-
oh gosh!
That part , i really hate it as i do not know how to cook.
Can i just buy dinner back?
Simple dinner , yes its possible that i could cook it.
FULL dinner , umms. really cant?
Elaco is HOPELESS ):
cant blame me, sorry mummy!

GASTRIC IS BACK TO HAUNT ME!
haunting me badly!
tummy hurts ! just hurts!
lost mood to eat the food mood makes it worst!
RAWRR @@
anyways , gonna go .
in need to go to the toilet ):

BYE
* I MISS YOU THAT MUCH AND DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU LIST-

TOMYAMBUN DARLING
TOURAN KOR
ABUSIVE HUSBAND CLOUDIE
LASI JIEJIE
UMI DARLING
ALI BABA SENA
ASUKARAHAO
CHIO BU
EYECANDY
OPTOPT
XIAOSKY
SHADOW
WHITE BIRD
Rainity Honey
CK
SHUSHU MY LOVE
ZIZI
IGNASAISAI
DAVINA
SHANNON
SUET PING
REBECCA
PEI SI
JIA JIN

LAST BUT NOT LEAST
i love & miss you the most my baby(: